Surplus of conspiring cats demand return of EarEar

not sure where the homeless cats are coming from. "Violet" and her four dependents have moved under the deck and applied for food and living assistance. sarah has already named them and begun a feeding regiment. like darren, i realized this was more than just a temporary arrangement when i found myself paying for meow mix and kitty treats today. i did asked sarah if the cats were legal, U.S. cats (not wanting to contribute to the rising illegal feline immigration problem) and she stated simply that they were her cats. case closed. amnesty granted. welcome to the family..

it's ok, of course. we had a number of pet cats growing up. Ol' Yeller was one of my favorites. big, yellow, hardheaded tomcat. the stupid thing would literally butt heads with you. then there was Rahab, Jericho, Babyface and Buckwheat. i remember being 6 or 7 when, in an effort to save my pet cats from certain eternal damnation, i would line them up and preach to them. After service, i would treat them to helicopter rides.....by their tails.

of course, i don't think i am the only cousin with a somewhat checkered past in regards to cat neglect. there was one cousin, in particular, whose name was only whispered in huddled cat circles."EarEar" is what they called her (looking over their shoulders in fear). mother cats would scare their restless kittens to sleep with threats of EarEar coming to get them. "go to sleep or EarEar will fling you out of your bed". or to persuade finicky kittens to eat their dinner, "eat your mouse, you ungrateful kitten, or EarEar will snatch you up and sling you right over her blonde ringlets."
oh yes, i witnessed many unsuspecting cats flung head-over-paws by their ears. and amidst the flying fur and hissing, you could hear the simple chant, "ear ear ear ear"...

mind you, it is not my intention to paint a broad, dreary picture of habitual cat abuse, we love our cats. cats are fun, under the right circumstances. and the abuse is definitely NOT one-sided.

ask grandma.

the evil cat gang that lives near her (Da Claws) conspired to "cap" this poor woman with a strategically placed trip hazard. luckily, a black eye was the worst they achieved.

and i, at age 16, fell victim to a random act of scratching that resulted in the dreaded Cat Scratch Fever disease. not just a funky 70's song.

i'm sure there is room in our lives for cats; but strangely, it seems the cats have us outnumbered. they're coming out of the proverbial woodwork. why the sudden spike in the cat population? have the wheels to some diabolical scheme of world domination begun to turn? are Agnes and Violet part of some embedded sleeper cell waiting for the right moment to set off a catstrophic chain of events?

maybe it is time to revive helicopter tail rides and visits by EarEar again.....