Tis the season..

ahhh, Christmas. a time when families gather for reflection, remembrance, and giving. a time for gaudy blinking lights, off key carolling, and aerosol snow. and for some, a time for snooping around trying to sneak peeks at their gifts (unfortunately, i am not referring to the children)

i was able to catch jen and sissy on christmas morn attempting to listen in on secret gift wrapping conversation with mj's Super Top Secret Spy Listening Device. luckily, due to advancing toy technology, the girls couldn't figure out how to work the STSSLD and their diabolical attempt was foiled. despite their utter failure, i felt this action warranted the blotting of their names from a certain Nice List and a very prominent addition to the other list..
the kids, on the other hand, were very good. a few volunteered to help Nana with the cookie baking while others circled the christmas tree looking (no touchy!) for their names on presents.
after lunch, the mirth and merriment really began as the kids attacked the tree like a band of blurry, little tasmanian devils. hours of painstaking gift wrapping and bow placement was ripped to shreds amidst the high-pitched squeals of glee and elation. and as the dust and tinsel settled, every toy had been set free from its paper prison.
after the kids had their turn, the adults stepped up to plunder the tree. and with the same fervor, we shucked paper from presents like a fat kid at a corn eating contest. i came up with not five; but six packages of boxer briefs (various patterns and colors; but no animal prints..drats.) and a very convincing likeness of jen and me as cardboard toilet roll people. kudos to sarah who put alot of time and effort taping cotton swabs, paper clothes, and one real hair to her homemade gift.
after all gifts had been opened and the food given another good mauling, we brought to a close another christmas. diets may have been neglected, and kids may have stayed up past bedtimes; but we had a good time and made some pretty good memories. my next step is to initial my new wardrobe of boxer briefs (to keep christian from taking them) and to find a place to exhibit my toilet roll dolls..

to Grandmother's house we go

there's nothing like going to grandma's. the moment you cross the state line and gulp in that nostalgic mixture of crude oil and pig poop, you know you've arrived in the Land Of Stincoln. horrible smells aside, going to grandma's reminds me of childhood. the red barn loft, grandpa's garage (with those nutty, steep steps), and the depot, are weathered and wobbly now; but still very iconic. as i walk around, i remember summers of horseback riding, chores with grandpa, drinking 'pop' from glass bottles, and playing with those duck-billed cardboard things that were stuck in new cowboy boots. and didn't it seem like we kids were always being fed boiled hotdogs and fried potatoes..
well, today the next generation of young explorers are running around the farm creating fun memories while i've joined rank with the 'old people' sitting around talking about boring grownup things... so the cycle goes..

speaking of 'old,' let's talk birthdays!

in olden day, mothers would spread their child's name on a corn cake with freshly churned goat butter to acknowledge his day of birth. being that food was scarce and the average household boasted 20 children, 'naming the cake' would guarantee the birthday child would, in fact, get something to eat. with the Great Corn Shortage of 1896, corncake was replaced as the birthday standard with a more readily found mixture of flour, eggs, and goat's milk. thus, today we have 'yellow cake,' paying homage to the corn color.

over the weekend, we celebrated stormy, aunt gloria, sarah, abri, grayson, sissy, and grandma's birthday with one big cake (no corn added). though every one's name was included on the cake, candles were omitted (with the number of years represented, it would have been necessary to light 23 candles at both ends to make them all fit).

of course, grandma, having turned 87, bestowed upon us a couple of her tried and true, passed down from the ages, home remedies (while we were eating). in a million years i would never have guessed that Vick's Vapor Rub was the magical cure for foot fungus. or that puffy eyes could be freshened up with a little dab of Preparation H (try to keep it out of your eyes, she cautioned).. and don't even get me started on the medical advantages of WD-40.

overall, we had a great time. we ate alot of food (customary at grandma's) and we put our crazy lives on hold for a minute and relaxed (also customary at grandma's).

of course, it would be an injustice not to draw attention to a couple highlights of our visit:

• 1st highlight goes to sissy (she never lets us down) trying out aunt niki's Jiggilator. and yes, she did break it.
• 2nd highlight goes to jeremiah, who tempted fate trying to improve tv reception atop aunt niki's house. the fun really didn't begin until he grabbed the business end of a live wire. (jeremiah, as your older brother, it does my heart good to see that you are not too proud to show emotion. but screaming like a little girl? come on..)

of course, honorable mention must go to uncle howard in his speedy gonzalez getup. (the pic pam took was priceless, so i had to show it again.)

Life Lessons with Dad

as a dad, it's my job to teach the kids stuff. besides the usual good morals, proper etiquette, and bible stories, there are the practical, real life lessons that every child should be equipped with. a set of how to's, if you will. take the art of trimming nosehair, for example. we've all seen that guy in the grocery store with the crop of disgusting, dangling nosehair. why doesn't he trim that booger bush? simply put, he probably doesn't know how. as a child, no one gave him the proper tools to weed the ol' nose garden.

well, far be it from me to let my kids stumble through life with nostril hamsters.

which brings us to the life lesson of the day....shaving.

while getting ready to go out for lunch this afternoon, johnathon asked me if he could shave before dressing. having turned 7 yrs old recently, he has decided maintaining a freshly shaved countenance should be a part his big boy regiment. so, needing a good shave myself, i invited him to join me. before long, there were three of us bellied up to the sink ready to begin. (as it is, sarah has the same amount of facial hair as jonathon, so i didn't see the harm.)

unbeknownst to most, the Incredible Hulk makes a very fine shaving cream. cool and soothing with a hint of aloe. jonathon got the shaving cream, along with a sweet, plastic razor a few birthdays ago and takes great pride in keeping it next to mine.

after splashing water on our faces and smearing on a healthy lather, we were ready for business. at one point, sarah asked if she would have to continue shaving her face when she got big. we all hoped not, agreeing it would be a little awkward for her brothers if she could grow a nicer goatee than them. after rinsing, we checked each other for stray hairs, cleaned up our mess, and went to find mom. (traditionally, the shaving experience is not complete until mom smells our newly shorn faces). oddly enough, jen was not exactly down with the idea of her daughter shaving; but smelled her face nonetheless. the final photo shows us stroking our, oh soooo soft and smooooth faces.

next life lesson for the kids: the art of arranging head hair to divert unsolicited attention to that sneaky, receding hair line.

p.s. you may have noticed that neither christian nor elijah participated in our shaving adventure. well, it has come to my attention that they are each nursing a delicate patch of peach fuzz and felt it would be ludicrous to remove their tender sprigs of manhood so soon. good luck with that, guys.

WOO HOO, she's 32!!

there were a number of significant events in 1974. the Lock Ness monster was photographed, Hawaii Five-O and Kojak were respectable TV shows, singing Sunshine On My Shoulders made alot of people happy, and Sissy was turned loose on an unsuspecting world. actually, i was a little disappointed the name i chose for her wasn't given more consideration. Harry is a perfectly respectable name and fit the family dog very well. logically, it would have made a fine name for a little sister. oh well.

Fast forward to this evening 2006, where we have gathered friends and family to surprise Harry on her 32nd birthday. being one of our typical family celebrations, we checked our dignity and polished manners at the door and let things get out of hand.
laughter, flying wads of paper towel, and yes, a whoopee cushion were all present during dinner and after a couple rousing renditions of Happy Birthday to You, (off key, of course) we delved into chocolate cake, ice cream, and presents. special thanks to dad who methodically sampled every bottle of women's perfume (on himself) before choosing one for sissy. my eyes are still burning from that toxic mixture of fragrant mayhem.

at some point, we decided that sissy, being older and (assumed) wiser, should embrace a new, distinguished look. something that hinted of subtle sophistication, loftiness, and intelligence.
unfortunately, we exhausted every available pair of reading glasses to accomplish this feat...and, well, you be the judge..

doesn't exactly scream sophistication, eh?

nice hair clip, by the way.

of course, we had a good time, ate a lot of cake, and laughed at each other until time to leave.

Happy Birthday, ol girl, enjoy it while you can. the twenties are a blurry memory and the forties are speeding around the corner (just ask old man daz).