disgruntled pebble eater finds vindication

hands down, my most favorite cereal as a kid was fruity pebbles. i simply could not wait for breakfast where i would meticulously separate into three groups the orange, lemon, and cherry flavored rice bits. only to close my eyes and savor the intense explosion of artificial flavor. a toy you ask? i didnt need no stinkin' toy hidden at the bottom of the box to bribe me to eat. nope, just give me a bowl, some cold milk, and some alone time. i could chow my way through a box in about a week.

this love affair went on beautifully until around 1980 when some knucklehead at Post decided to add a new flavor.. grape. i remember wondering what grapes had to do with my fruity pebbles. grapes belonged in grown-up cereals like Raisin Bran or Grape Nuts or something; but not in my pebbles! up to that point in my life, i really didnt understand what true betrayal was. but at the tender age of nine, standing alone in the cereal aisle at Kroger, a cold, calculated fact of life shattered my fairy tale world view. i had become a victim of marketing. but why? i couldnt fathom the answer. at first, i blamed myself. maybe i wasnt eating my quota, maybe i should have had mom send in those UPC symbols for the Dino Racer that i had been collecting. more than likely, my little sister had something to do with this catastrophe...

all i know is, i became a little cynical after that day. i even started eating Trix. occasionally, i wandered over to Frankenberry and Honycomb. breakfast was never the same. i was never the same. i didnt enjoy my morning dining experience anymore. i even skipped a few out of utter contempt.

time passed, and i watched with distain the multiple attempts to keep the franchise fresh: lime, berry blue, INCREDIBERRY purple (no, i wish i were joking) and,in 2005, the deathblow...bedrock berry pink..yes, a part of me died that day..

well, a couple weeks ago, USA TODAY reported that cereal companies are now under the nutritional microscope. evidently, incrediberry purple is not good for little johnny.. oh, well isnt that too bad. i gleefully imagined that knucklehead at Post mumbling to himself as he cleaned out his desk. good luck, buddy! dont forget to take your pink berry polydextrose with you! wah ha ha!!

i suppose i do feel a little better knowing that the cereal marketing guys finally got what was coming to them; i only wish i could have been there to watch them sweat and squirm as they tried to explain what grapes had to do with pebbles in the first place..