call of the wild

ahhhh camping... sweet memories of laying in the woods, gazing at the stars through that little mesh window of my musty tent. wiggling in my sleeping bag trying find a comfortable position amongst the rocks and twigs in an attempt to ward off the coming backache and neck crick. wide-eyed and shivering, not only from the cold, but in anticipation of dad bursting into my tent any second to scare the pe-diddle out of me. there was something about dark woods and creepy night sounds that turned dad into this night stalking, ninja boggyman. jumping from trees, lurking in the shrubs, sneaking around just outside of the light of the campfire waiting for the opportunity to leap out with a BLAGA-BLAGA-BLAGGAAA!!! and then scurry giggling back into the darkness while everyone else screamed like little girls..

campfire meals were always the best. where else (and why) would you purposely eat a marshmallow that had been charred to a withered ball of ash? of course, camping was always a great excuse to try out some of those freeze dried scrambled eggs (just add creek water and stir).. am i the only one that secretly hoped our cache of long-storage food would be the first nuclear target on russia's world war III agenda?? well, it seems only fair that i subject my kids to the same outdoorsy experiences that i had as a kid.. so, over the weekend, i took the boys camping.

actually, i need to back up to friday night when my excited camping buddy, john, called with news that his mother had trapped a raccoon and wondered if we'd like to take it camping with us (and i don't mean as a pet)..i'm starting to miss those freeze-dried eggs..

saturday morning found christian, elijah, jeremiah, john, and i standing in the woods. john, (who from now will be known as 'cookie' in honor of all great chuck wagon cooks) started building his kitchen campfire while me and the boys man-handled the tents. our first campfire lunch was boiled potatoes and onions, cornbread, and fried black perch. (the fish was also provided by john's mountainwoman mother). even though the fish was really good, it was clouded by the foreboding fact that a raccoon roast was in our very near future..afterwards, we took the boys on a smorgasbord of camping activities which included squirrel hunting, fishing, and proper indian scalping techniques. of course, i dizzily photo documented all of our outdoor adventures and took a score of breathtakingly amazing pictures. unfortunately, my stupid canon powershot erased every photo before i could download.. so, you will have to take my word that we, the before mentioned campers, did nibble, taste, and yes, eat raccoon fricassee on the evening of saturday, oct 27 in the year of our (oh my) Lord 2007....oddly, it wasn't half bad..i wouldn't look for it anytime soon as your local mcD's; but our campfire guru, cookie, did a splendiforous job making a potentially life scarring incident actually pleasant..

after eating a raccoon, the rest of the venture was down hill. we broke camp sunday and immediately began planning our next trip.

as a matter of fact, starting monday, i'm keeping a cooler in the trunk of my car. i've acquired a hankering to try one of the armadillos i keep seeing on the side of the road..

mullet, anyone?

occasionally, you just have to get away. disconnect from the humdrum grind of life and let (what's left) of your hair down. well, that's just what we did this last weekend.

no, we didn't run off to costa rica, cambodia, or on some goofy jungle safari (that's for the safe, touristy, over 40, non-blogging, types). we wanted to experience some down home southern culture, rub bellys with some good ol' boys, and maybe eat some spam while listening to really bad karaoke. what better event than the Foothills Festival in southern Kentucky to fulfill all your redneck fantasies.. we started the festivities on saturday by counting mullets and playing a version of 'slug bug', but instead of counting VW's, we searched for bumpkins wearing Members Only jackets (extra points if they wore sweat pants with 'Juicy' on the rear-end). we watched the transient 'flea market vendors' spit tobacco juice while hocking their wares, and we sat bedazzled by the accuracy of the always fun GUESS YOUR WEIGHT game. (periodically, he would switch to the GUESS HOW MANY TEETH I HAVE game (which was not much of a challenge given the dental deficiencies prevalent below the mason-dixon line). the aroma of funnel cake, gator tail, and BBQ possum shanks intertwined with the smell coming from the spam mobile creating a smog reminiscent of boiled chicken feathers. but, i must say, the most fun was watching the locals hoop and holler around the mechanical bull. oddly, i was left with the notion that being rejected by barnyard animals was nothing new to these yahoos..but i digress..

the kids were a little unsure about watching the clogging competition, convinced it was somehow related to an unfortunate restroom complication, so we settled for facepainting and tramp stamps.

after the festival, me and the boys grabbed some 'SKI' and went fishing. elijah caught his first kentucky bass and almost fell out of the boat twice (sorry mom). all in all, we really did have a good time. it's always fun spending time with family, and with all-you-can-eat spam to boot, how could you go wrong? oh, and for those older, world traveling cousins that are now eat-up with envy.. Mule Day will be here in April..

baby names

in an effort to relieve some of the pressure and hassle of having a baby, i thought it would be helpful to name sissy and shae's new baby for them..so, i have compiled a bunch of really great names; but need some help narrowing the choices down:

IF IT'S A GIRL-

i thought it would be somewhat poetic to pay homage to sissy's middle name by calling the kid Dawnalee (or if she's born after 7pm, how about Duskalee). Aquanetta, Latrina, Fridgidaire, and Shasta hovered around the top of my list until i came across Rodana. A powerful name that demands awe and respect (and in her spare time she could team up with godzilla and destroy Tokyo). of course, there are Oleo, Velveeta, and Vienna (try not to think of sandwich cookies, processed cheese, or sausage and these are really cute names). instead of Chelsea, how about Shellsea. or better yet, Sandy Shellsea. one of my favorites was Marjorie (but i kept getting flashbacks of the parkay tub saying 'butter' and had to scratch it from my list). which reminds me, i'd certainly steer clear of names like Cody, Dorie, or Hillary (synonymous with cray-zee lay-dee) unless you intend to doom her to a spinster's life of raising housecats while reeking of mothballs and eating spam (or running for President). i thought about giving Michael Job a female counter-part; but could only come up with Ineda Job...

in the end, i settled on Harry as my all-time favorite girl name. i had intended this gem for sissy upon her arrival but was shot out of the saddle by mom and dad. of course, grandma wehrheim always leaned toward the more whimsical, earthly-toned, Fart Blossom.

IF IT'S A BOY-

i'm torn between Q-Bert, Tron, or Contra (it's hard to beat a good retro arcade game when it comes to naming kids). from a practical sense, a name like Ben Lauden or Ivan Oder would guarantee his siblings being left alone by playground bullies (as he would certainly attract all the physical abuse). Rufas, Dingy, or Pfarley Pfieffer are fun names that easily double as reasonable excuses not to turn in homework (example: Teacher- "Rufas, where is your dissertation on the rise and fall of the Wing Ding Dynasty?" Rufas- "uh, i ate it."). Stetson Colone, Buddy Wiser, and Charmin are solid, wholesome American names; but would probably open the door to perpetual locker room flogging (or perhaps a good job in advertising). Festus (not to be confused with Uncle Fester, which would just be plain mean) rounds the top of my favorite boy name list.

Congratulations pfieffer's!! soon little Harry Festus will be here and all will be right with the world..