Surplus of conspiring cats demand return of EarEar

not sure where the homeless cats are coming from. "Violet" and her four dependents have moved under the deck and applied for food and living assistance. sarah has already named them and begun a feeding regiment. like darren, i realized this was more than just a temporary arrangement when i found myself paying for meow mix and kitty treats today. i did asked sarah if the cats were legal, U.S. cats (not wanting to contribute to the rising illegal feline immigration problem) and she stated simply that they were her cats. case closed. amnesty granted. welcome to the family..

it's ok, of course. we had a number of pet cats growing up. Ol' Yeller was one of my favorites. big, yellow, hardheaded tomcat. the stupid thing would literally butt heads with you. then there was Rahab, Jericho, Babyface and Buckwheat. i remember being 6 or 7 when, in an effort to save my pet cats from certain eternal damnation, i would line them up and preach to them. After service, i would treat them to helicopter rides.....by their tails.

of course, i don't think i am the only cousin with a somewhat checkered past in regards to cat neglect. there was one cousin, in particular, whose name was only whispered in huddled cat circles."EarEar" is what they called her (looking over their shoulders in fear). mother cats would scare their restless kittens to sleep with threats of EarEar coming to get them. "go to sleep or EarEar will fling you out of your bed". or to persuade finicky kittens to eat their dinner, "eat your mouse, you ungrateful kitten, or EarEar will snatch you up and sling you right over her blonde ringlets."
oh yes, i witnessed many unsuspecting cats flung head-over-paws by their ears. and amidst the flying fur and hissing, you could hear the simple chant, "ear ear ear ear"...

mind you, it is not my intention to paint a broad, dreary picture of habitual cat abuse, we love our cats. cats are fun, under the right circumstances. and the abuse is definitely NOT one-sided.

ask grandma.

the evil cat gang that lives near her (Da Claws) conspired to "cap" this poor woman with a strategically placed trip hazard. luckily, a black eye was the worst they achieved.

and i, at age 16, fell victim to a random act of scratching that resulted in the dreaded Cat Scratch Fever disease. not just a funky 70's song.

i'm sure there is room in our lives for cats; but strangely, it seems the cats have us outnumbered. they're coming out of the proverbial woodwork. why the sudden spike in the cat population? have the wheels to some diabolical scheme of world domination begun to turn? are Agnes and Violet part of some embedded sleeper cell waiting for the right moment to set off a catstrophic chain of events?

maybe it is time to revive helicopter tail rides and visits by EarEar again.....

pick a bale of cotton

it's interesting some of the rare sights i witness during my daily travels. today, for example, i was on my way to Corinth, Mississippi when i stumbled upon a caravan of migrating cotton bales (heading south to Hanes, MS, no doubt). luckily, i was able to snap a couple pictures before they spooked. like the rest of you, i've often pondered the gender of wild cotton bales and was surprised to find the entire herd female (note the pink blouses). as they meandered on, i couldn't help but feel a little sorry for them. i mean, i wonder if they know their destiny is to end up as some greasy, fat guy's unmentionables.



oh well.


considering the shortage of original costume ideas, i felt it my obligation to contribute..
here goes..

• Darth Mader. picture a dark, caped figure with blinking chest lights and a mechanical breathing apparatus. but, rather than a lightsabre, he wields a Hunts ketchup bottle and reduces his foes to tomato paste with his dark force powers.

• Clay Baiken. an irritating red headed crooner dressed like a cop.

• Billy Midol. dress like a burned out punk rocker with menstrual cramps. whole new meaning to "rebel yell"

• Migrating Cotton Bale. glue tons of cotton balls on yourself, grab a pink wrap and meander south.

obviously, not a lot going on in the La Coax household. a couple of the kids decided the coughing and fever routine wasn't getting enough attention so went with the ear infection ploy. we are becoming regulars at the clinic. i told jonathon it was about time to throw him away since he's sick and broken and all. he went to his room and came back with his plastic lightsabre. something about he being my father and me meeting my destiny... so, needless to say, i didn't put him in the trash...

great to hear from jodi. looking forward to hearing what's going on with you and yours.

NACHOO00oo...

well, for the most part, the plague has past. besides the occasional coughing fit, jen and the kids are feeling much better and my headaches are gone; but am having reoccurring hot flashes...(manopause?)

it's really starting to feel like fall here. the leaves have started to change colors and the mornings are cooler. i'm on the road most of the day and am literally watching the season change around me. it's good to be back, especially this time of year. virginia was nice, (the ocean and fresh seafood was great) and florida was, well, we hated florida. not only is it hot and painfully humid, florida has the highest number of registered sex offenders running around. needless to say, the kids didn't play outside alone..
hopefully, we will stay put for awhile. having moved 12 (13?) times in 15 years is starting to get really old.

spoke with stormy a couple days ago, she sounded good (mentioned the blog and she agreed to play too). i'll try to hookup with isaac and adam soon. has anyone spoken to pam or jodi?

a new feature on this blog site allows exclusive posting and reading to members of a group. i guess it's like added protection from the weirdos out there. thankfully, we are all normal (as my left eye starts twitching). anyway, we may want to check it out.

realtor has had no luck with our house yet. she is hoping we'll have an opportunity to sell (or rent) it within the next couple weeks. (didn't she say that two weeks ago?..)

of course, Nacho Libre will be available this coming week. like the rest of you, i can't wait either!!
so, until then.. XoOx (beeg kees, leetle huug, beeg huug, leetle kees..) and "Chancho, i need to borrow some sweats..."

All is not well in La Coax manor

we are sick. the whole lot of us. there is coughing, sneezing, snotting, and continual hacking. fevers are high and the motrin/dimetapp cocktail bar stays open all night. i tried to go to bed last night and found a makeshift village of blankets and pillows scattered across the room, full of sniffling trip hazards. of course, jen, in true Mother Teresa form, goes from one sick kid to the next administering medicine, wiping noses, and keeping trashcans in close proximity to potential hurlers. ah, the joys of parenthood.. pass the lysol.

i don't know why my flippin' COMMENT OPTION is not working. could have something to do with me going in and messing with my blog settings before reading what they are supposed to do. i'm trying to fix it. there are a few things that i can't do with the blog that were quite simple when mailing letters back and forth. sharing fingernails would be one, including commentary by Mojo would be another... now that i think about it, Christel, didn't you send me greasy food in an envelope once? flakes of makeup or wait, you didn't send me one of those spidery-looking fake eyelashes did you!? and what ever happened to your best friend, RC (rose)? didn't she become an ax murderer or something?

and darren, come on. Costa friggin' Rica!? i take jen to a yardsale in hohenwald and you're zip-lining through the jungle, laughing it up with a private chef..... hopefully, your pool monkeys won't poop in your infinity pool. (subtle sarcasm implied) no, really, i hope you have a great time. really.. :(

unfortunetly, i think i'm coming out of my dimetapp indused haze. i'll check in later. time for another shot-

Elvis, ninja swords, and G'ful dead icecream

It has been a long sleeve day here. not too cold and sunny. jen and i returned from our 'date', picked up motherinlaw and the kids and left again. motherinlaw is an avid yard sale addict and i felt it was my duty to oblige her after she had agreed to watch the clan for 4 hrs.

actually, while out, i found 5 old Elvis albums and a 45 of the Beatles Strawberry Fields Forever and Penny Lane. not like i have a record player anymore (or even care that much for Elvis or the Beatles); but for a buck a piece, i couldn't convince myself of a good reason not to.

christian was on the lookout for ninja swords. he has convinced himself that he will be allowed to buy some goofy sword with his allowance money. he doesn't even own a pocket knife; but somehow a sword is ok..(?)..

while living in virginia beach, the kids took a karate course. christian really got into it and fell in love with the idea that he was training to become some avenging ninja. it was neat to see him get excited about something....but he is still not getting a sword.

well, we are still in a holding pattern with our house in virginia. we put it up for sale a few days before we came here and, of course, the housing market became saturated overnight. there are now 51 houses for sell in our community alone. our realtor has sat through three open houses at our house and barely even shown it. this was one of the most sought after subdivisions in the area before everyone and their neighbor decided to get out. now i feel like we have the cooties. of course, we left our furniture in the house ("so it will show better"says our realtor) and we left my car in the driveway hoping to dissuade a would-be burglar from burgling it.
we are considering putting it in property management for a year as a rental in hopes the market turns. big chance; but what else is there to do? we can't buy a home here until we relieve the mortgage there. luckily, we have plenty of kids to hock if things get too tight...

oh yes, christel. i saw an ad for "Cherry Garcia" ice cream from Ben & Jerry's. thought you'd get a kick out of it.

OcktoberFest a la redneck

yes. Octoberfest has arrived in hohenwald.

where else can you find funnel cake and freshly slung chitterlings sold with a toothless grin at the same booth? where, pray tell, could you ever find that elusive and envied Jeff Gordon bottle cap opener and not only one; but in bulk? what about that porcelain rooster to compliment your kitchen's farm house decor? oh, you like bluegrass music? what about listening to Bubba and the RowdyBoys sing one more tired rendition of 'Sweet Home Alabama'?

welcome to Octoberfest. your dreams are about to be realized.

ok, yes. i will be there too.

among the hordes of yee haw hollering rednecks and kissing cousins (does everyone in this town have the same last name?). i will weave my way through the mounds of second hand undergarments, yard sale trinkets and flea market treasures; but not alone. i will negotiate this maze of collectible crap with my lovely mate of 15 yrs by my side. you see, today, we are on a date and no inbred junk peddler will stand in our way.

don't get me wrong, kids are great and all; but occasionally you gotta find time to just be a couple. few and far between are the moments when we can go to a movie alone, eat a meal in peace and quiet (without someone trying to steal your fries) or just talk about grownup things (don't get me wrong, i do enjoy a spirited debate. like whether lightsabres could in fact be constructed with today's technology. Elijah seems to think so, and i'm not saying it's impossible; but if you did, you would have to have a pretty stringent disclaimer before selling to minors).

having lived in virginia beach and tampa before that, we simply haven't had the chance to get away much. well, today this will change. the mother-in-law has been bribed, the xbox warmed up, and the offspring have been fed.

so we're off!

i shove off into the bloggy waters of worthless banter...

so. this is it. my first blog, and on Friday the 13th no doubt. wait a minute, does this thing have spell check? speel check... oh great... sadly, i have come to accept the fact that i cannot function in this technological world without my electronic spelling chaperone. i have, in fact, become somewhat addicted to the colored squiggly lines that underscore my, all to often, spelling mishaps.

well, this blogging adventure was plotted a couple weeks ago when Darren, our eldest cousin (40?!!), came to visit. we were discussing the fact that outside of tragic circumstances, we cousins don't see much of each other. i mean, after seeing current pictures of Skye and Abbi it dawned on me that these guys are growing up and, wow, has it really been that long since we've been together? meeting at grandma's for special occasions is a lovely idea; but realistically, it's hard to coordinate our hectic lives. darren, 40, and i kicked around the idea that perhaps we could interact with each other through our respective blogs. i think it's a good idea.

so, my blog is born.

ah.. and there's my spell check button! Alas, my kingdom is now whole. i can spell agian!!

-lance