weight before MoviPrep: 197 lbs

for almost 2 decades now, my lovely wife has maintained that i am 'full of it'. so, tonight i shall put this claim to the test with a pre and post weigh-in to determine the total amount of 'it' in my system.

tuesday timeline

12:54 pm starting to get hungry. wondering what's the worst that would happen if i sneaked a hot pocket. (historically, hot pockets have accomplished the same goal as MoviPrep, so what's the harm)

1:14 pm settled for a bottled water. still hungry.

3:45 pm washed my hands twice just the smell the watermelon scented hand soap.

4:40 pm wrestling with a moral dilemma- would it be wrong to eat one of our children knowing that we could make a replacement?

5:15 pm mixing first batch of MoviPrep with warm water.

5:30 pm 8 oz, down the hatch

5:45 pm followed by 8 more oz.

so far, nothing.

6:00 pm drank 8 more oz. nothing is happening...beginning to think this is the worst April Fool's gag ever.

6:07 pm strange goings-on in the pit of my stomach..

KATIE BAR THE DOOR-THAR SHE BLOWS!!

8:15 pm i come up for air long enough to mix 32 more oz.

i have officially passed everything in my system. missing toys from my childhood, pocket change, old garage door remote. i think ive even passed meals i havent eaten yet..

9:32 pm at this point, i'm spouting like a leaky water hose. i'm considering repackaging this stuff and getting my 45 bucks back. (recycled MoviPrep.. that would explain why my batch tasted so bad)

here's the final tally:

Facility visits: 9

Times i almost gagged while drinking MoviPrep: 4

Jokes at my expense: 13 (that i actually heard)

by the way, happy anniversary gabe and jes--cheers (as i raise my empty MoviPrep bottle)