so i made a calendaric error. my colonoscopy is on wednesday rather than the aforementioned tuesday. which gives me one more day to prepare for my intrusive engagement. i picked up my bowel motivator, MoviPrep, today and asked the pharmacist what flavors i had to choose from and she informed my that MoviPrep only comes naturally flavored: ok. now i'm scared. i rushed home and tore open the box. let's see: PEG-3350, Sodium Sulfate, Sodium Chloride, Potassium Chloride, Sodium Asscorbate, and Asscorbic Acid..hmm. i'm beginning to dread which 'natural' flavor they are talking about? at least with GoLightly there was an attempt at flavor (even though it tasted like it had passed through a stale goat first). i flipped through the directions and really appreciated the pictorial instruction that was included, (really cleared the whole procedure up for me) though i doubt i will be smiling like the illustration. so, tomorrow's the big day... sissy, dont forget the scented candles.....

2 days from WaZoo City

i 've almost completed my checklist of things to do before my rendezvous with the sigmoidoscope. i've updated my netflix queue, rearranged the spice cabinet (where did all this oregano come from?) and trimmed my toenails. so, other than eating as much junk as i possibly can (as i can only have clear liquids tomorrow), my last commitment is to decide what message to scribble on my rear for the gastroenterologist. havent decided yet; but here are a couple ideas..

3 days and counting

i read the colonoscopy prep instructions today and found that i am forbidden to eat red jello or drink fruit punch 24 hrs before 'the probe'..normally, i'll have a glass of punch about once every decade or two; but knowing that i'm now faced with a solid 24 hour block of my life without the possibility of the fruity nectar...well, i 've been guzzling down crystal lite like a champ. now jello, mind you, has never been much of a culinary temptation. i mean, what is jello anyway? well, it turns out that gelatin is the result of 'melting down' a bunch of horse hooves, bones, connective tissue, organs, and whatever else they couldnt cram into a hotdog. throw in a little red dye (which by the way, is derived from a parasite that lives in cacti) and you got yourself a fun, jiggly bowl of strawberry jello..and you thought bill cosby was your friend..

turn the other cheek?

four days until my colonoscopy.

yes, this coming monday at 5pm, i will get the potty party started by mixing the first batch of 'motivational' juice in preparation for tuesday morning's probefest. by monday evening i will have gagged down no less than 96 oz of warm, artificially flavored swamp snot in anticipation of my cleansing experience (oh joy)..

if the yellow ones are Peeps, what are the brown ones called?

easter sunday. the one day of the year that i can color coordinate my wardrobe with my little girl's and still feel macho. church was fine until the 'special easter segment' began. the lights were dimmed and we were treated to a sign-languaged rendition of 'He has Risen' by five little girls with white gloves under a black light. about mid-way through the performance, i noticed jonathon start to slink back in his seat and then, with a wrinkled forehead, complain that his stomach was starting to feel funny.. this information, of course, threw jen into 'panicked mommy mode'. i actually started to feel a little queasy myself when i realized the grave situation we were in; crammed in the middle of the row, in the balcony, in the dark, with a kid intending to plaster some parishioners with puke. i envisioned, with horror, what vomit under black light against purple easter shirts would look like..thankfully, jen was able to jerk, tuck, and run him out of the room before the unpleasantries began.

afterwards, the family came over for easter lunch followed by the traditional plastic egg hunt. jeremiah, christian, and elijah volunteered to hide the eggs, which was simply a ploy to eat chocolate without having to actually frolic around and find it. this was evident when jonathon questioned me about finding a dirty walnut and a rock in one of his eggs. of course, it didnt take long before the egg hunt deteriorated into a jellybean war and was quickly called off by some of the adults (not me) 'before someone gets an eye put out'... the kids had a great time and miah and gabe took advantage of the warm spring breeze and blossoming bradford pear trees to grab a hand and do a little easter skipping.